You are what you do. You are not what they say you are.
I have been told to my face that I’m a bitch, that I’m dishonest, that I’m manipulative, intimidating, that I have no soul and God will be my judge, that I’m a phony, I have no passion, no experience, no purpose, that as a woman I should do what I’m good at and stick to filing and saying yessir, and that I don’t know what I’m doing. To. My. Face.
If that’s what people are saying about me to my face then I can only imagine what the heck people are saying about me behind my back. Every word hurts. Not because it’s true, usually I can let those slide off of me without losing my cool, but because I’m human. No one likes to be treated with disrespect, and no one likes to feel unsupported or sabotaged.
But let’s give a little context for the kind of pain that can inflict upon me. Words like that are not bullets or knives in my back or my heart. It’s more like stepping on a sharp pebble or a piece of glass. Temporary. Hurts like a mother. But I can limp for a few steps until the pain eases and I usually forget about it when I hit my destination.
This blog is not about me today. It’s about you. Because I’d bet my soulless butt that you can relate to how that feels.
One of the easiest ways to test the mettle of any would-be filmmaker is to see how they handle The Rumors. If they ignore The Rumors entirely, they are fools. You should always be aware of how you are perceived, even if it’s by people you don’t care about. This is an industry where PR can make or break you. It’s not just about who you know. It’s about who knows you. On the flip side, if you completely crash and burn and have a meltdown every time you hear something bad about yourself, then you don’t have the skin for it.
The happy medium is where you learn from the attacks, and discern when to adjust, when to ignore, and when to set the record straight. For instance, in my earlier days, the word “bitch” followed me around like a lost puppy. I thought I was simply being assertive. But I took note of The Rumors because I don’t like being called a bitch. Since then, I’ve softened my approach and that word rarely comes up anymore. When I’m called dishonest (always by my competition, I might add), I don’t even bat an eye, because I make every single effort to be transparent, on the page, and professional; and I have the track record to back it up.
Despite The Rumors that float around the industry like fish poop in an aquarium, I still manage to find work. Good work with the competent, savvy, professional power players that I want to work with. I believe that you attract that which you are. And I am what I do. Not what they say I am.
If you are suffering from a case of The Rumors or any form of industry sabotage, take it like a pro. Don’t ignore them completely, because sometimes those rumors are there to help you in the long run. Learn from them. Pick yourself up, and as Jennifer Connelly says in A Beautiful Mind, “Maybe try again tomorrow.” 
Prove the evil competition wrong. Keep going. Get better. It’s a rite of passage for becoming a pro. Remember that there is nothing you can’t overcome. Because you aren’t what you did. And you aren’t what they say you are.
You are what you do.
I have been told to my face that I’m a bitch, that I’m dishonest, that I’m manipulative, intimidating, that I have no soul and God will be my judge, that I’m a phony, I have no passion, no experience, no purpose, that as a woman I should do what I’m good at and stick to filing and saying yessir, and that I don’t know what I’m doing. To. My. Face.
If that’s what people are saying about me to my face then I can only imagine what the heck people are saying about me behind my back. Every word hurts. Not because it’s true, usually I can let those slide off of me without losing my cool, but because I’m human. No one likes to be treated with disrespect, and no one likes to feel unsupported or sabotaged.
But let’s give a little context for the kind of pain that can inflict upon me. Words like that are not bullets or knives in my back or my heart. It’s more like stepping on a sharp pebble or a piece of glass. Temporary. Hurts like a mother. But I can limp for a few steps until the pain eases and I usually forget about it when I hit my destination.
This blog is not about me today. It’s about you. Because I’d bet my soulless butt that you can relate to how that feels.
One of the easiest ways to test the mettle of any would-be filmmaker is to see how they handle The Rumors. If they ignore The Rumors entirely, they are fools. You should always be aware of how you are perceived, even if it’s by people you don’t care about. This is an industry where PR can make or break you. It’s not just about who you know. It’s about who knows you. On the flip side, if you completely crash and burn and have a meltdown every time you hear something bad about yourself, then you don’t have the skin for it.
The happy medium is where you learn from the attacks, and discern when to adjust, when to ignore, and when to set the record straight. For instance, in my earlier days, the word “bitch” followed me around like a lost puppy. I thought I was simply being assertive. But I took note of The Rumors because I don’t like being called a bitch. Since then, I’ve softened my approach and that word rarely comes up anymore. When I’m called dishonest (always by my competition, I might add), I don’t even bat an eye, because I make every single effort to be transparent, on the page, and professional; and I have the track record to back it up.
Despite The Rumors that float around the industry like fish poop in an aquarium, I still manage to find work. Good work with the competent, savvy, professional power players that I want to work with. I believe that you attract that which you are. And I am what I do. Not what they say I am.
If you are suffering from a case of The Rumors or any form of industry sabotage, take it like a pro. Don’t ignore them completely, because sometimes those rumors are there to help you in the long run. Learn from them. Pick yourself up, and as Jennifer Connelly says in A Beautiful Mind, “Maybe try again tomorrow.”
Prove the evil competition wrong. Keep going. Get better. It’s a rite of passage for becoming a pro. Remember that there is nothing you can’t overcome. Because you aren’t what you did. And you aren’t what they say you are.
You are what you do.
Wow. I'm sorry that happened to you. I can't imagine why someone would say those things to you unless they were really drunk or something. I think you're amazing!
ReplyDeleteI totally know this dance. However, I choose to be someone who continues to DO. Most people can handle a "bitch" if they know she'll get the project done. I listen to the rumors so I know, but then I ignore them and just do. So far that's working ok. I guess ultimately we'll see how it all turns out.
ReplyDeleteI love this commentary from you. So tough and realistic! Now I'm really itching to know what The Rumors are about me (the reputation rumors I know the most about are by and from former costume interns and colleagues who've worked through our studio with us). I need to find a way to hear more about what clients and other collaborators say. Is there a special listening device the CIA has for this!? lol
ReplyDeleteI love this! I've grown a lot by not soaking up what people say like a sponge, but not disregarding it either. The crud becomes a stepping stone quickly when we consider it and apply the truth to it. In my case much of the truth was that either it was true or I believed it was true, and other times that it was what I most feared about myself becoming or being. It's always just a chance to answer questions to myself.
ReplyDelete